It’s been two weeks since the end of “Father’s Heart” week here at YWAM, and it’s taken me a longer time than I anticipated to process all that I felt and learned. Our teacher who taught us about the Father’s heart was a humble man named Conrad.
What stood out to me more than the words he spoke was the heart that could be seen and was communicated through his actions. Somehow, someway, I could see the goodness of our Father in heaven resting upon Conrad. His words were slow to speak and slow to anger. His eyes were full of loving-kindness. His feet paced the room with this connection and stillness to the Lord. In all that he said he bridled his tongue, making sure to read how the Spirit of God was moving in the room. Conrad was less concerned with showing us the Father’s heart through his efforts, but more concerned about where the Spirit was leading our discipleship group.
The first couple days of lecture times were focused on what Scripture had to say about the Father’s heart. We learned about how God is a Father whose heart is not only nurturing and loving to us in all His ways, but that the scope of His love includes the discipline that He shows to those whom He loves. During this time one of the most impactful teachings I received was the difference between the Spirit of the Orphan and the Spirit of a Son. I recognized patterns and thoughts in my life that could identify with the Spirit of the Orphan. My decisions and my beliefs revealed that I was living outside my identity as a child of God.
Towards the end of Father’s heart week, Conrad asked us men in the room to step outside our comfort zone. He asked us to stand in the gap for all the men who had hurt the women in our discipleship group. As we stood in the front to apologize on behalf of the abuse that these daughters of God had received from men, I could feel a heavy weight of sadness and grief that had been held for such a long time. Tears began to flow from the faces of many of the women, and I could sense that Jesus was weeping with them. The work God was producing in my heart during this time was conviction of the ways in which I had hurt His daughters. The blame and focus shifted from men who had hurt these ladies to ways in which I had hurt God’s daughters. To follow in Christ’s humility, I had to identify with the pain that these women of God had experienced with men. To alienate myself from this reality of the world would be cruel and dishonest.
What I’ve realized from this week is that in order for us to understand the Heavenly Father’s heart, we must go into the places of our hearts that are dark and untouched. The festering places of lies where the enemy has convinced us that our Father is careless and cruel. The painful cabinet of memories we have stored away and forgotten of pain induced by our earthly fathers. The hardest places in our hearts where we have reflected the sins of mankind onto a holy God. Not only must we enter and address these dark corners of our lives, but we must care about and love those whom God loves. We must love His daughters in the world who have been trafficked and sexually abused. We must love the widows of the world who have been forgotten. We must taken in orphans and cradle them in to the family of God.
Lord, I pray that you would continue to reveal to me new revelations about Your fatherly heart. Bring to remembrance all that I have learned about Your heart in those moments where my heart wanders. Give me Your fatherly heart for the nations.
